||By the time their number had dwindled from fifty to eight, the other dwarves had begun to suspect Hungry.|
Reporter: Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western civilization?
Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea.
|"Bother," said the Borg, "We've assimilated Pooh."|
|Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"|
|It's frog-soup night, and two frogs are thrown into a pot of water. One screams, "Help! Help! Let me out of here!". The second gasps and exclaims, "Oh my god, a talking frog!"|
|A self-addressed envelope would be addressed "Envelope".|
|Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? -- george carlin|
|what if it's unlucky to be superstitious?|
|Two termites walk into a bar, and one says to the other, "Hey is the bar tender here?"|
|A little girl goes into a pet show and asks for a wabbit. The shop keeper looks down at her, smiles and says, "Would you like a lovely fluffy little white rabbit, or a cutesy wootesly little brown rabbit?" "Actually", says the little girl, "I don't think my python would notice."|
|Two muffins are sitting in an oven, baking. One says to the other, "sure is hot in here, huh?" and the other exclaims, "Holy cow, a talking muffin! (sounds stangely familiar, ay?-)|
To do is to be. - Descartes
To be is to do. - Voltaire
Doo be doo be doo. - Frank Sinatra
|A Zen monk walks up to a hotdog vendor and says "make me one with everything everything."
[that's the commonly known part - there's a lesser-known follow-on...]... The monk gets the hot dog and pays with a ten. After several moments waiting, he says to the vendor, "I was expecting change", and the vendor says, "You of all people should know, change comes from within."
|an imaginary tombstone:
That Which Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger. Rest In Peace.
|Mother to the kids in the pool: Enough fighting! Each of you take one half of the pool and stay there!
Quicker-witted kid: I get the top half!